So, you hear over and over, “Just leave!” You have your friends, family, and your mind mentally telling you that 1+2=3 but can’t and currently have decided against leaving. Your current decision: You are staying.
I think you need a game plan and some help to. Here are ways and things to help besides pray, for the girl or guy deciding to stay.
1). Start to write down daily recap’s in 1-3 sentences.
THIS IS NOT A DIARY! –
If you were in 4th grade and doing a science take home project; you might be asked to monitor an objects daily changes or lack there of. Even if you don’t remember doing this I guarantee the format of daily recap’s will look familiar.Example:
- “in quotes“ means he said it.
- P means p.m. A means a.m.
- FP-this mean found piece. If you found some evidence and hid it that day THIS NEEDS TO be recorded!
- S– S = sex. This does not mean a bad thing it just needs to be there as part of the timeline.
GOT IT? Don’t worry about hiding this because even if he gets it or sees it to him it’s no big deal. He wont even begin to guess how this will keep your sanity.
TRY AND GET AN OLD CHECKBOOK, OR ORDER A CHECKBOOK THAT IS USELESS IN VALUE. If you were forced to go on a hunt to buy a kid a checkbook not linked to an account do it. When they arrive say to you man that someone sent these and you were going to use them as note taking paper. Why do you tell him this? To clear your the possible peaking due to him thinking these were being spent. Get Mickey Mouse or something ridiculous.
Put the copies somewhere out of the house. At work even. If not hide them.
IF YOU CAN’T OR DONT WANT TO USE A CHECKBOOK ITS FINE. A normal notebook will do.
Example: 10/1/2012 got home 3P – “i am worthless”
10/2/2012 got home 11P – S “I am darling”
2. Plan A Long Vacation Without Taking One.
- Pretend you had to plan to leave him. Don’t think of anything within these exercise as serious. It’s a game. Go look at apartments. Don’t buy them or even use your real name if you don’t want. Go look at homes and apartments you would never be able to afford or in an area you would never choose to live in. THE place does not matter just the action. Negotiate a price. PLAY!
- Go look at furniture.
- Read online about the 2012 divorce, common law marriage, tax info, in your state and how it would affect you this year with or without him.
- DO THIS ONCE A DAY-You do not have to go to bed bath and beyond everyday but do at least one online search incorporating this game.
You might be asking a few questions so I am going to answer those questions..
How are doing these little silly things going to do anything but make me feel stupid?
If you document everyday in the formula I showed you, your stress level will go down at least 9-13% of what it usually is. Instead of trying to remember all the little details of his many issues you will go back and be able to remember.
He called me names: 10 times this month we had sex 11 times and I hid 4 pieces of evidence.
He didn’t come home before midnight 27 times this month.
You say, “You called me a bitch last week and then told me I was worthless!”
He says, “Your crazy I didn’t say shit!”
You (before writing down 2 sentence’s a day tops)
You wonder if you are wrong. You might have gotten it mixed up. Maybe he can’t remember. I know he did, I wish I could go back and write this down….
This doesn’t mean you go and show him proof because remember this is for your sanity! If you show him he will just say the same thing and this time rip up your notebook or make you feel crazy for having one!
Don’t you feel better knowing at least you were right and know now you can at least have his actions verified to you?
If you plan something in your life by using actions to prepare your energy perks up it’s ears and listens. If you prepare and learn what options you have (rather you leave or not) you will be more prepared. If you look at some apartments and read about options online or a book no one will think anything. The book won’t be titled, “Why you should leave him.” (you know that). This will be titled, “0 to rich,” by Tracey Edwards (I will post about her later amazing).
I know you should leave. But some people regardless of the situation just are not going to leave yet, and they need some tips to get through the moments until they do. Starting with these simple things will do amazing things in only 30 days time. Trust me. 30 DAYS!
Keep the checkbook/notebook near you and not locked up. The less you pay attention to it’s location being hidden the less he will and remember if he finds it – his anger will only be faked if high and it wont be that big of a deal because its not. Try to get a copy if you can and if not that is fine.
Do your pretend + prepare task every day! I don’t care if you go and look at a home with the name, “Kelly S.”, read for 15 minutes, or search “tax exemptions calculator (I don’t care if you have this applicable to you), or Google your zip code and find how much your apartment/home/whatever is worth compared to now! Just something that would be beneficial if you had to leave in six months.
Only tell someone about this if you can trust them. If you want to keep it a secret go ahead. If you don’t then don’t.
Hang in there. Now there is something you can do. If you don’t try these easy suggestions, than not only do you not want to leave-you don’t want to try and be less on edge whilst in the same spot. If rubbing the gold figure with the extended belly at a Chinese buffet worked than you would be there every night! (I would to). This is the = of the gold belly rub. Do it. 30 days!! Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org and tell me about it or don’t. Privacy enabled of course – ask for my terms and conditions for security copy before you email with your comments or questions if you want to.
You feel alone when you stay and when you leave sometimes. There is just more outlets for the one who has left whether they work or not. This is for those that right or wrong have made a decision. As of today they are not leaving. This will help them now and without focusing on the action give them a better chance of making the end of their notebook say, FP-I took it all the the lawyer.
By the way this post, along with all of my advice post’s are geared towards men and women. Since I am a female I am going to say, “he, him, your man,” only to honestly make it easier and to not sound like a politically correct encyclopedia circa 1994.