How To Get A Five Star Rating On Every Single Blog Post.


Star’s Have Been The Universal Way To Judge Human Beings For As Long As I Can Remember. 


Star’s Are Assholes!


I Don’t Care That People Don’t 5 Star Me – I Care That Those Empty Stars Are Taunting Me  As If To Say, “Look were starts that are empty. If we were full of gold coloring then that would mean your important. You suck.” 

In my case I am sick of seeing empty stars next to my posts. This is not a way of swaying a request for more viewer stars – I don’t give two shits if you fail to rate me with stars, or don’t feel like doing so. If you did I would be thankful, but I am more concerned with the uniform more than stereotype here. 


Even one half star would look better than none. I am not having a pity party, it’s just the image of the outline of stars with no gold. 

Remember in elementary school when your teacher would pass out those ugly gold, red, green, blue and purple star stickers? The “chosen,” child who glued the best fuzzy thing to a piece of paper got the gold and then slowly the colors went down until she would get to stars for the kids that he/she forget or “leftover.” Well no one forgot my loud ass. I would plead with pathetic untouched mental capability straining in my kiddie desk. I didn’t want to be a voluntary wearer of sticker shame. 


Second Grade: Star’s And A Unknown First Experience With Adult Mental Instability Mixed With A Little Improve, and Weak Mind Manipulation Trickery. 

“Please Mrs. Baylor,” I would whine like she was carrying the last cigarette on a bad night. Teachers are cruel. 


Do you ever remember this scenario? Teacher’s would sometimes stand in front of their brown carpeted God fearing throne and dart their eyes around the room. 


While they were doing this weird staring ritual they usually had a treat of some sort or in the theme of this blog post’s case – those damn sheets of colored star stickers – to pass out to the deserving children of the day. Each color meant something (deep breath and mystique tone insert here). 

Gold meant you are the best and only three kids or something get those stickers. 

Were there only a few Gold Star stickers out of the stack? I never understood how they did it but the teachers somehow sent this message to all of us that we internally grasped: “Lot’s of stickers, many sheets, many stars, and only a few were gold.” 

So – All the while, again the teacher always somehow pulls off making it seem like out of all those freaking sheets of stickers somehow there are like four green star sticker sheets but only three gold stickers!

Silver stickers meant your under gold star people, (even if it was obvious that the silver star was visually more appealing than the shade of the gold sticker, we gave up our natural tastes when it came to the gold standard of sticker)….how pathetic…

Red meant you were really loud, or you were cute enough to act up and still at least get some attention. Any publicity is good publicity when it comes to the red star sticker worth branding. 

Green and Blue meant you suck and not only do you suck at whatever you just did, (crayon’s glue or some sort of line formation game are most likely at play) there is a 90% chance the reasoning associated with the branding of blue and green was due to the fact that the teacher didn’t even remember you existed or you just so pointless she just decided to pass you off as a dumb ass because your vapor. 

Kid’s with some sort of cold symptom or runny nose got the purple stickers for some reason?? 

I always got gold, silver or red because I wouldn’t shut the fuck up in front of class and made it known to the teacher that even though she was starting at the space between myself and other classmates heads, I knew that she saw me virtually throwing my little life down so I could have a non loser  star. 

Jeopardy Music Without The Questions: Recount of Star’s And More Shit.

So, the witch would continue taking their sweet ass time deciding which little fucker was going to get these stick on stars. Since there would be no explanation afterwards as to why each person was chosen (even though everyone eventually got a fucking star of some kind). Then you would secretly wonder why so so and so is better than you because she got a star first?

I think I am going to 5-star some of my post’s today. What the fuck? Live a little right? 
I am sick of this whole star stamp of good girl status. I am going to star any mother-fucking post of mine I want and might even star some of my other shit too. 
If your reading this, jump on the band wagon or even take it a little farther and write a review about how your story, post, product ext. is the shit.
So if you see my post’s all suddenly have a five star rating you know the culprit.

Ha Ha Five Star’s Bitch! I would like to congratulate myself and officially announce that I think I fucked over the star rating standard (in my own warped crazy way of course). 

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