Convert or Not Convert? That Isn’t The Question.


A Rant On The Subject Of Converting Religions During or Before A Marriage….

If you decide you love your partner enough to conform or join their religion and go through the process of converting to this religion that is an honorable nice thing to do. Of course this would be something you wanted to do, and your partner would be showing that he not only finds your conversion vital and the abundance of your embarrassing his culture a huge plus in your lives together.

This is when converting is fine but your freaking out because you are embarrassed that you really don’t care about ditching your prior religion or association you kept with yourself pertaining to religion.

Get over it. Move on and if your guilt is present it might be coming from the “lack,” of spiritual or other source you might want into your life-who knows? Maybe going and becoming apart of your partners religion might help get that fulfilled.

Don’t miss being a “insert religion here” if you don’t know what it truly means to be a, “insert rel….

Screw it. I can’t keep stopping to allow you guys to assume a religion.

We all mostly know what it fundamentally means to be apart of a religious group with a vast number of individuals: Catholic, Jewish, and Baptist Christianity are three known religions that most of us, “kinda get what they believe.

I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THESE RELIGIONS. I mean if your a Mild Kavoy Christian Humanity Blue Number 7. Something that has to many words or if there are few words than my guess is you don’t know more than those few. SO STOP BEING SAD THAT YOU ARE LEAVING ONE STRANGE PLACE FOR ANOTHER MOST LIKELY STRANGE PLACE.


Why you shouldn’t covert if your husband now knows less about his religion he grew up “claiming to embrace,” or he doesn’t care. Short Version: Your husband deep down loves whoever his higher power, God what have you. Then above deep down he doesn’t give two shits about semantics, or participating if it means work. Also, if this religion integrates some extra manual labor for example cooking on your part then he needs to let you ditch that part of embracing his customs if he can’t even read the menu or remember why he chooses these beliefs.

For his mother only. News’s Flash: She most likely doesn’t’ like you if she is already having an issue. Why doesn’t she like you? You never did anything to her? You love her son! She has to know that. She does. This is why she doesn’t like you:

1. Your hot with a savings account for retirement and are ready for Botox when ever apply.
2. She is over weight, or pretends that spending money elsewhere on other things will help her understand why she wont get botox.
3. She knows your smarter than her son. She knows your smarter than she is. Smart people don’t usually put up as much bull shit as those who choose to be a little more “care free,” upstairs tend to put up with more shit half of the reason being they don’t save any money to go get out there when things get rough or just too much.
4. She has never given you a reason besides religion. Trust me. When you convert she will still not like you and this time say something equally, or most likely more ridiculous as to why. “She just doesn’t embrace nature like I do.” the mom could say even she never goes outside and doesn’t even have a fake plant or painting of a lead to backup her love of nature.



If your partner is involved with the religion and just not claiming it like a free flashlight at Disney on Ice, being nice, his mother isn’t acting like your religion change will make things better, than go for it!


What about the tree and jingle bell’s? No Santa?

This is where I draw the line. Christmas is a Americanized, Society driven, hard, frustrating time for all Americans and dammit we should all be able to wear our Santa Christmas lingerie, put trees in houses and spend our rent on toys so our kids won’t get beat up or Internet bullied for only having this thing and not that thing.  I don’t have kids but I am just going to guess that “vintage,” has not caught on with little boys who love video games yet.


No give the tree away! If its the religious part that is the problem it’s not like you will have trouble finding other boxes of things to make a mess with. Plus, even if your loaded your kids are not as cool, or included if they don’t wake up on December 25th with presents, and family coming over. Watching Christmas on Christmas is all you have to do when schools out,  your parents are off work and the only place open is the lip up olive garden that doesn’t even mildly hide the Christmas music with Italian hints. If you deprive them of Christmas especially if they used to have Christmas you might as well lock up the Disney movies to while your at it.


Covert If:

Your happy or in a good stable place in the relationship.
Make sure you explore what converting entails.
Don’t feel guilty and if you can’t fight off the guilt but refuse to contact your older religions counsel for suggestions you don’t feel that guilty.

Believe in unicorns if you want  just don’t take away Christmas!

Don’t do it for his mother expecting for her to stop hating you cause your hot.

Make sure your partner is “really,” involved if he expects you two.

Remember being converted into a religion takes work and your husband (if he applies to the type who are not really invested) was born into the religion and going to the church on Christmas and speaking with an accent stronger when he is drunk means that you should do no more work that he does to master, practice or understand the religion.

Feel better or empowered? Really kick it up a notch and buy your mother in law a gift package for Botox-CHRISTMAS IS COMING UP! Make sure you put the gift card in pine smelly Christmas paper. Keep the receipt and call her out during public gatherings as to why she hasn’t used it. She will have to admit she likes looking bad so she can complain more about you and her life. Give it one more week and gonk the needle points.

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