Rekindled Romance…While You Are Married?


Dear Kelly-Speechless,

Question:

I am happily married and have been for five years. Recently I ran into my high school boyfriend at the library. We have been hanging out, and not having sex. I am starting to feel like I should have been with him instead of my husband. I think I have stronger feeling for him more than I have for my husband. I know if I keep seeing him things are going to progress. What do I? My ex-boyfriend and I had a bad breakup and a lot of issues. Maybe he is a new person and that is why I am falling for him so strongly. I am so confused. Is he my one true love? Isn’t it strange that I feel stronger feelings about him than my own husband? What do I do?

Dear Laura.

OK you need a plan as soon as possible. You are not strange, and we don’t have time to decipher the standard cosmic connection of soul mates or one true loves before this gets out of hand. 1). If he is a candidate of your one true love waiting for you 90 days while you attempt to clarify some things will not be a problem for him.

If you haven’t done so already then don’t do it. With that being said your not a horrible person. You will only be a horrible person if you don’t try 90 days of my suggestions before continuing to see the new guy. I know you feel a rush of excitement from reconnecting with him, but you’ve got to end it. Obviously, the problems you and your ex-boyfriend had led you into the arms of your husband. You and your ex had a bad break up, so you shouldn’t view this situation as some romantic, “meant to be,” situation. You have only been with your husband for only three years, but that isn’t too short of a time to feel a slump in the marriage. You are probably not as excited about your relationship with your husband as you were in the beginning and then all of the sudden “butterfly boy,” from your past shows up on your doorstep on a platter. I am not saying that your current relationship will seem so much more compared to what could potentate between you and this guy, but both have a pretty good chance of being tainted by ill situation and not working.

Plus, if this guy knows your involved with someone else there is a better chance than not that he is an asshole. You need to think about the mind set of your ex-boyfriend also. What kind of guy tries to break up a marriage? Don’t say or think the reason he is able to push the fact that the two of you are married is because he is, “in love,” or waiting until your divorce. If he cared so much he would have married you to begin with, or he would have fully waited until you had a finalized divorce before he asked you out for coffee.

I personally think you and your husband’s relationship is probably just going through a little slump. If that slump is bigger or your barely hanging on then let go, get a separation going and then keep seeing him. If you decide later that your not in love with your husband any longer, or you don’t think he is right person for you; then you should consider addressing the situation.

Decisions about the foundation of your marriage can’t be made while your thinking about your ex-boyfriend. I don’t care if your one hundred percent sure you don’t love your husband and the ex is going to run away with you. Don’t make any decisions until the ex is gone.
Tell your boyfriend that even though some feelings have rose up, that your married and if would be unfair to him and your husband to make a decision without clearing your head. If he keeps trying to persuade you after that he is a real jerk. If he cared he would wait for you and let you take the time you need to make this life saving decision. I am going to break down what would happen if you tried to work this out with the ex versus working it out with your husband.

You Get With Your Ex:
He dumps you.
He turns out to be the same person he used to in terms of bad behavior
He tries to take your money
You miss your husband
You lay down in bed one night and realize you have just made the biggest mistake you have ever made
There is nothing you can do in order to go back

Try To Work It Out With Your Husband Plan: This plan isn’t meant to be proper marriage survival kit protocol-it is only a way to test this situation by 90 day’s in order to absolve any obvious or not so obvious trouble.

  • 60 day’s minimum-You go to counseling.Everything could get better, and even if they don’t you will always know you did EVERYTHING not everyone you could do.
  • 30 day’s more-He puts in more effort which could help or not, but atleast trying is taking place.
  • 90 day’s didn’t work? Then get a verbal separation before you get with the other guy. If he can’t wait 90 days which isn’t enough time but long enough to be much better than doing nothing-he is someone you don’t want to be with.
  • Who Know’s Crazier Shit Has Happened?All jokes aside you will be much closer to the possibility of you and your husband having a happy life together.
  • Either way the point is that no matter what you decide to do your ex should not be in the picture! He is toxic to your life right now. I hope you keep him out of your life until you have given 90 days of work. I would also start going to a counselor about this situation. I don’t think your crazy, but you obviously can’t let a lot of people know about this situation so a counselor can provide some professional advice.
  • Remember those butterflies you feel for your ex will fade. That goose bumpy feeling you have for someone can go away just as quickly as it appears. This is not a meant to be situation. If it was meant to be you guys would have tried harder to make it work.

Lastly, I do give you a lot of credit for trying to do the right thing. Most people in these type of messes act selfishly without evaluating the consequences of their actions. I hope you find what your looking for.

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