Dating Up: Hitting the Jackpot If Your Girlfriend Lives In Denial Land.


September 29, 2011.


Today I had a client who literally dismissed everything I said when leading her to a resolution in her marriage. The guy she was with was also there and he admitted that he won’t stop talking to women no the Internet, at bars, and might take one of them as a friend and catch a movie with that new “friend.” I asked, lets call her Cynthia,

“So Cynthia everyone has there own set of guidelines in terms of what makes them feel at ease in a relationship and sleep at night. Is your boyfriends behavior a problem or something that goes against what makes you feel safe?”



Cynthia looks right threw me and began to rant about how her boyfriends behavior isn’t the problem its his attitude about everything. I asked her to write down three sentences that shows clear cut examples of her boyfriends attitude issues. She took my clip board and began to pencil something down that sounded like scribbles. After a while Cynthia could not explain her boyfriends bad behavior, and completely denied his behavior was a problem. Finally the friendly boyfriend said, 

“Hey ugh I have this friend who is teaching a seminar on what women think and how to think like a woman?”



I told him that was an idea but to hold his horses. I took a deep breath and told Cynthia that she is in denial about the situation. I told her she was a bad liar and that her boyfriend cares about her but is in love with himself. I told her that if she were to execute any of his behaviors he would be out the door. I looked over at lover boy for a response.

“Yea I don’t play like that I know how guys think.” he sniffled and nodded.



I told her that if she kept this going she was going to end up hating this guy and doing something she might regret later surrounded by padded walls. Her eyes were starting to look dilated with anger, and that is a ticking time bomb before “crazy Cynthia,” comes to play. Cynthia began to tell me this was a waste of time and that she thinks it would be beneficial if her boyfriend went to his “friend’s,” seminar instead. Her boyfriend grinned. Cynthia walked out.


“I know what your going to say..” her boyfriend said.


“No you don’t.” I said reaching for the clip board Cynthia was scratching. When I looked up Mr. Wonderful picked up my pencil and handed it to me. This is what I said:


“Look I don’t think your the problem. What your doing is why she acting this way but if she wants to pretend  its not than you can’t lie to her and tell her you will change. The downside for you is that you picked the wrong woman to do this to. I can see it in her eyes that she is capable of fucking up your little vacation world and turn it into hurricane  Katrina in ten seconds flat. I would write her a note and tell her that your sorry and that you knew you were hurting her and continued to be with her because you….well are an asshole. (he nods). If you don’t do this soon I will see you again. On the news. I am also pretty sure that your friends might miss something else if its missing. I pointed the pencil at where I pictured his little one to be. Get a dead bolt and move. Go to that conference and try to fuck that girl if you want but leave first and go to a different city in the tour.”



He paused and asked for directions to the nearest florist.


Why do people come for help and not want it? I honestly liked the boyfriend better than Cynthia. He was selfish and worthless but Cynthia was in a chosen state of denial. I hope the boyfriend listens to me though, because getting your penis chopped off isn’t any fun. I have a feeling Cynthia would also not throw it in a ditch to be found. She looks like her anger won’t be sewn back together so her boyfriends penis doesn’t stand a chance.


Oh by the way the clipboard had a very weird but good drawing from Cynthia below.

Cynthia-landby Cynthia

I actually tried to reach her to see if she wanted it back, but couldn’t reach her. Now it’s in a frame as a reminder of staying in the present. I think Cynthia thought she was inside the picture.

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