Keeping Your New Relationship a Secret to Benefit Your Ex?


Question:



I’m dating this girl for 2 months, but she doesn’t want anyone to know about our relationship. She’s afraid of hurting her ex-boyfriend feelings (they broke up 3 months ago). But I want to take the next step, and announce our relationship to everyone! What do I do?”

My Advice:

Past Relationships Don’t Define New Relationships.

First of all, there is not a good reason to hide a relationship. The fact that your girlfriend is taking a step backward in your relationship to appease an ex-boyfriend seems very fishy to me.

The reason she might be keeping your relationship a secret is to not mess up a future with her ex. The only reason she would protect her ex from this information is for her own benefit. She might still have feelings for her ex boyfriend. Your girlfriend might be afraid if her ex finds out that to two of you are dating she will blow a second chance with him in the future. An ex-boyfriend holds that title for a reason. If she was over her ex-boyfriend, she would care less if he found out about you too. She might swear to you that she is over her ex-boyfriend and just doesn’t want his knowledge of your relationship to hurt his feelings; but what about your feelings?

She Might Be Confused.


The girl you dating could have genuine feelings toward you. She might be scared that the two of you will break up, and then she would be alone. In her mind, she thinks by not telling her ex-boyfriend about you she can have a chance to start things up again just in case the two of you don’t work out.

You Have to Give Her an Ultimatum.


You need to tell her that people knowing she is your girlfriend is important you. Tell her that you can understand why she doesn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings; but your feelings should be more important than her ex-boyfriends. Say that you really care about her and don’t want to play any games, especially when it comes to simply defining the status of your relationship. Tell her that this is a deal breaker for you. Explain to her that if she keeps hiding the relationship you’re going to end it.

Weigh Your Options Carefully.

Overall, you have only been dating this girl for two months and there is already a problem. The beginning of a relationship is supposed to be one of the most exciting parts a couple experience together. During that time, no one is usually trying to protect someone they were previously involved with. If the girl you’re dating is already waving red flags in front of you, I would keep my eyes and ears open for trouble. I am not saying she doesn’t like you, or is a bad person; I am just saying when it pertains to this situation you need to put your foot down. She will probably even like that you showed her that you’re not the kind of man who will put up with this nonsense. Remember, that you don’t have to be mean while giving her the ultimatum. Actually, being calm and clear about the situation will make your points come across better.

I hope it works out for the two of you, and you never have to hear about her ex-boyfriend again.

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