My boyfriend told me that is bothers him that I don’t initiate sex with him enough. He also say’s he can tell I am into having sex, and that I look uncomfortable. I like sex and love my boyfriend. The truth is I feel self conscious during sex and don’t know why. How can I feel more secure and less nervous during sex. We have been together for three years and I really want us to stay together forever. How do I fix this?
Our society is obsessed with beauty and sex. I can understand why some women feel overwhelmed during sex, because they feel they have so much to prove.
Pertaining to your question, the first things you have to do is understand one thing.
Your boyfriend doesn’t look at you the way you look at yourself. When you are standing naked in front of him, he isn’t noticing the two pounds you gained. He doesn’t think you look a little bloated, or that you need a tan. He likes you period. He likes every freckle, every scar and everything on your body you hate.
You just have to find a way to relax. Take a bath, have a glass of wine, or do something that normally relaxes you. Don’t put pressure on yourself about when you are going to make a move because you either won’t do it, or you will make the experience seem forced which will make it less enjoyable for both of you.
There are three easy steps in order to initiate sex:
1.Start kissing him.
3.Take your clothes off.
It’s that simple. I know you probably feel weird about how to properly take your clothes off for him. Guy’s usually want you too execute the awkward slow stripper like performance to remove articles of clothing, but there are ways around that.
Take off an article of clothing, and then turn around and sit on his lap to remove the rest. Turn around periodically and kiss him while doing this to keep him distracted. Don’t feel pressured about what he is thinking and what he wants. Take control yourself and don’t think. If he tries to take the rings, don’t let him.
Another way to initiate sex easily is to interrupt him in the shower.
I think girls feel comfortable being naked in the shower more than a lot of places. I have heard many women even say they feel sexier and skinnier in the shower with their partner.You feel clean, soft and there is a smaller limited space which is less overwhelming. Sometimes when you see a big bed you might feel apprehensive thinking about all the things he wants and how to use up the big space in which to perform those acts. The shower provides you with a small space, and because you could slip; there is less intimidating positions and/or techniques to be able to use. This is easy because your clothes are already off and all you have to do is kiss him and the deed is done.
Don’t worry about the faces you are making or not making during sex.
Sex isn’t an acting class, or a performance. Just ignore the voice in your head telling you that your making a weird face. This rule applies for making noise too. Don’t try to sound like someone your not. Of course, there are exceptions to this if your partner is about to climax and you haven’t yet; then putting a little louder moan out there is OK.
You need to have sex with yourself more.
Taking care of yourself is healthy and it makes you more aroused during the week. Another way to use this to start sex is too begin to “take care of yourself,” then stop before you climax. Then go find your partner and finish yourself off with him.
Do it when you don’t want to.
Just because you feel like your not in the mood to have sex, doesn’t mean you can’t get in the mood. Another great way to remind yourself to get in the mood is to buy some new underwear. They don’t have to be expensive or overly sexy. Buy five pairs and only wear them for sex. When you open up your underwear drawer and see the underwear it will remind you of sex. In three months retire those five pairs and replace them with five new sex only pairs of underwear.
It is OK if you don’t climax every time.
It is also OK if sometimes you tell your partner you did anyway. Sex feels good rather you reach that point or not. Don’t feel pressure to do something that is natural.
Your boyfriend obviously loves you and is attracted to you. I think it is very mature of him to voice his concerns about your sex live. Men and women sometimes just ignore their negative feelings about their sex life, and expect the other person to figure out how to fix things on their own. Just relax, and know that being yourself is what your man wants. Sex is something you too should be sharing and enjoying together. I hope this helps. Remember to always try to relax.