My advice I gave to a woman who is concerned about her husband’s sudden lack of interest in having sex with her. She wonders if his sudden lack of intimacy stems from a low sex drive.
Ok, so I have been with my boyfriend for four years and recently out sex life has taken a bad turn. We used to have sex everyday and know I’m lucky if we have sex twice a week. We have two kids but, our busy lives have never been a deterrent to our sex life before. I keep up with my appearance, wear sexy clothes, and treat him like gold. I don’t think he is cheating and I don’t feel there is anything different in his daily life that would make me suspect him cheating. Can men have periods in life where there sex drive is low? I am really depressed about this situation. When I initiate sex he almost always turns me down. What should I do about this?
First of all, I am very glad to hear that your keeping up your appearance and making an honest effort to improve your sex life. There are many factors that can attribute to your husbands change in sexual activity with you. Investigating if he is cheating is always smart, but you sound like your gut instinct isn’t pointing to that possibility. Just in case I would snoop into phone records and his computer if you can. If you start suspecting he is cheating in the near future you could purchase a voice activated digital recorder. They are affordable, and cost anywhere from forty dollars to three hundred dollars. The recorder is small, and all you have to do is place it under the seat of his car. There are many ways to install it easily so putting the recorder in shouldn’t be a problem. Any electronic store can provide you information pertaining to the mechanics of the recorder.
Most people who cheat talk to the person on the phone while driving because their home or work place usually isn’t a good place to engage in conversation with them. The recorder begins recording the moment it detects a voice. The device has a long lasting battery since it only uses power when it detects the presence of verbal activity. If he finds it you can say you put one in both of your cars because a babysitter or neighbor who drives your kids to school or activities sometimes; has been acting fishy recently. Tell your boyfriend you didn’t tell him because you didn’t want him to worry or think you were going overboard. If your boyfriend is the only person who drives his car explain that you put the recorder in his car just incase someone used it in rare situation. An example of a rare occasion would be the family car being repaired. This excuse is just a suggestion. There might not be a way to use this excuse if it doesn’t apply to how your family operates. Like I said before, it is a good indicator that he isn’t cheating if you feel in your heart he is not.
Men have been known to have a decline in testosterone no matter what their age is. This could absolutely be why his sex drive has declined. Even though he might be taking care of himself, the lack physical intimacy might attribute to low testosterone levels. Usually men always prefer having sex with someone physically, rather than solely. His testosterone levels can be checked by a simple blood test and exam. You should suggest that the whole family is going to start having a yearly individual check up. Ask him to have his levels checked because you heard it’s important to know. Inform him that getting your testosterone levels checked is important because unusual levels could be an indicator of a prostate problem. Hopefully, he will have no problem having a simple check up so you don’t have to persuade him and sound to irrational. If he finds out his levels are low the doctor will simply give him a prescription to increase or balance his testosterone levels back to normal. I have read that the medications used to treat testosterone issues aren’t harsh on the body. Also, these types of medication rarely needs to be taken over a long period of time which proves it’s effectiveness. If his testosterone isn’t the issue there are a number of minor imbalances in his body that could be out of whack. All of those possibilities can be investigated through a simple blood test.
Also, have you talked to him, and told him how this is hurting you? I am guessing you have because you seem very upset about this. I would keep a diary of when you have sex and when you don’t. Just buy a simple notebook and write the date and something simple like, “not today,” or “good day.” This way you will have your own personal clarity and sanity attached to this situation. You should also write a few notes about the current state of your relationship on that particular day If your worried he will find the notebook, write in it during the morning when he leaves for work. It is always better to write during the ending of the day to better evaluate your current feelings. After your done writing, put it in a place where he wouldn’t notice it. Guy’s usually aren’t intuitive about the contents of a simple notebook anyway so keeping it private shouldn’t be a problem.
If you have explored every avenue possible to try to improve your sex life, I would strongly suggest the two of you see a counselor. If you were able to find a therapist who specializes in sex and relationships that would be a bonus. If he refuses to go, lie and tell him that you think your over exaggerating about this issue and you need some clarity from a professional. Tell him that you are not feeling up to par emotionally and that effects you being a good mom. Explain to him that seeing a counselor together would benefit the kids because it would help you feel better and in turn, be a better mom. If you find yourself in this situation six months from now and your partner has not acted on any of your suggestions; I would see a counselor individually, and hire a private investigator. I know you don’t think he is cheating, but six more months of this and you will probably start going a little crazy. Scratching the cheating thing off the list will at least put your mind at ease and allow you to focus on other reasons this issue is occurring.
I hope your boyfriend is just in a temporary funk. It is possible that he will snap out of it, and you won’t see this behavior again. He might wake up tomorrow and be the man you knew last year. I’m sure your boyfriend loves you very much. Maybe he is allowing you to experience this weird time with him, because he feels comfortable around you. The human mind is a very powerful thing, and maybe his mind is programmed to run on auto pilot for the moment. I know society portrays men as sex crazed animals, but even sex crazed animals can go through a mental slump. I believe you will do everything you can to keep your family healthy and happy. I wish you lots of luck.
Don’t let your boyfriend forget that Happy Mom + Happy Dad = Happy Kids.
You can’t achieve happy kids with any other formula than the one above.