Relationships: Is it ok for your boyfriend to act distant while long distance?



Question:

My boyfriend and I have been together 9 months long distance but lately I’ve been doubting he cares about me the same.

I’m not trying to control him, but I never have any time with him. I get 3-4 hours Sunday, Monday, and Thursday if I’m lucky. He’s always busy with friend’s. I don’t want him to give up friends, but when I asked him to sacrifice just a bit of time, he refuses and says I’m strangling him and I’m over clingy. I don’t get it.

We have different TV and music taste and I need to settle for him, but he refuses to bend at all for mine. If we are video chatting and he hears my TV in the background and he doesn’t like it he just exits, same with music. I try to believe that it will be better in person but I worry. He is the absolute sweetest guy aside from that and I adore him, but I worry it’s all just empty promises and bull shit. Please help.”

My Advice:

Ok, well first of all; I am glad that you are trying to work on the relationship from every angle. That being said, your boyfriend sure doesn’t seem to be doing much work. I understand why some couples who live together feel them to take a little time for themselves; but the two of you are apart. He should be just as excited to talk to you. For him to say your being “clingy,” is ridiculous because you are in a long distance relationship. If he feels like your suffocating him long distance, how are the two of your ever going to live together in the future?

He Is Changing.

I know you say that besides these issues your boyfriend is great, but do you really want to be with a great guy who doesn’t want to spend time with you? Your boyfriend used treat you one way and know he is turning into someone you don’t know. I would also be suspicious about where he goes when he hangs out with his friends. Are all his friends single? I am not saying he is cheating, but the two of you do live far away from one another and his behavior is very suspect. The fact of the matter is, your boyfriend is changing and you’re not. You still feel the same way, act the same way, and want to be with him just as much as you always have.

Why Things Will Get Worse If You Live Together.

You might be thinking that the whole reason he is acting distant is because of his frustration of not being able to see you. If that were true though, he wouldn’t waste his valuable time with you by fighting about music and television preferences.

Last Resort.

There are a few things you can try in order to wake up your boyfriend. First, seem really busy. Go out with friends more, and don’t act as though your waiting by the phone for his call. If you seem busy, it will remind him that there are plenty of people who want to be around you. This also will remind him that you’re a good catch and there are many guys who would love to ask you out. If he tries to reciprocate the behavior by going out with his friends even more, hang in there and don’t fall for it. Be nice and yourself, just act as though you’re not so worried about talking to him.

You Already Know What To Do.

When I read your question I had a strong hunch that you already know what to do. You are a smart girl. Follow your gut instinct. Humans were built with gut instincts in order to protect themselves from harm.

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