Should I Date A Girl I’m Not Attracted To?

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My advice I gave to a man who is confused about his feelings towards his current girlfriend. I tell him how to address the situation, and how to evaluate his personal feelings in order to avoid these messy situations. Sometimes looking for love too persistently, creates some pretty chaotic results. The saying, “looking for love in all the wrong places,” can be used in many different scenarios based on the man I give advice to.


I have been very unlucky in love lately. Every girl I date ends up being a weirdo. I was recently dating this gorgeous girl and she ended up dumping me. After that every girl I end up dating is weird or mean or just not my type. Two months ago, I met a girl. We started dating a week after we met each other. I know she is nice and doesn’t act weird or crazy but I am not attracted to her at all. I have tried but I just don’t have that feeling for her physically or emotionally.Should I just stick it out and see if I like her more? I am so confused! I would rate my attraction to the girl I am dating a 3 out of 20! I don’t know how she feels about me because she is really shy and introverted. By the way, shy are girls are not my type. What can I do? Why can’t I find a cool girl who I think is good looking? Any advice would be awesome, thanks.

My Advice:

Oh no! You need to break up with her immediately. You are wasting your time dating a girl you don’t like when you could be enjoying the single life! I have never seen this girl your dating, but just because you rate her looks at a three, doesn’t mean their isn’t a guy out there who would rate her a twenty. Have you ever heard the saying, “one man’s trash is another man’s treasure?” You shouldn’t feel bad about dumping her because she will be fine, and have no problem finding someone else. You don’t hate this girl, and I am sure you think she is a good person. Why not treat this good person with some respect and not allow her heart to be in the line of fire? If you do this know she will get over this faster. If you do the right thing, she could be with someone who likes her in a week.

The point is you don’t find her attractive. She doesn’t want to be with a guy who finds her unattractive; trust me. Your not a jerk because your eyes tell your brain something based on your personal interests of a woman’s appearance. There are men who like bigger woman, smaller woman, woman with short hair, long hair, piercings, tattoos, blondes, brunettes, red heads, different nationalities, small chest’s, large chest’s, a fuller nose, a tinier nose and the list goes on and on.

Society tries to categorize and teach the public what is attractive and unattractive. At the end of the day, people are going to like whatever they personally like. The reason it seems like more people like a certain type of women is because the ones who are interested in a woman’s appearance that is out of the norm they know to keep there feelings to themselves. Some men don’t want to voice what type of woman they prefer physically, because they know they will be made fun of, criticized, or not be apart of the crowd.
I am not suggesting your afraid to exert your personal set of likes and dislikes because they are considered abnormal. I am saying you need to date who you enjoy on an intimate level and find attractive.There is no way to make yourself feel something other than what you internalize naturally.

Example:I hate oysters. I think they taste awful. I don’t care how many people like them. If I tried to pretend to like oysters and eat them everyday; I still wouldn’t like oysters. If I carried on the façade of convincing myself I liked eating oysters and consumed them daily for a long period of time I wouldn’t like them a bit more. Actually, I would hate oysters even more than before I allowed them into my life. Put down the plate of oysters dude! You don’t like them remember?  Why waste your time and hers? End this now and allow the both of you to be happy. Let the oyster go find someone who likes it before the oyster spoils and goes bad. If your too scared or confused to dump her right after you read this, you must end the sexual part of your relationship if it has already begun. That will make everything ten times worse, trust me.

You also don’t want to be the jerk in this situation. This girl could be falling for you hard core, and every day you keep this fake relationship up is another day she will hurt. Don’t tell her the complete real reason your breaking up with her because that would be cruel and unnecessary. You need to tell her the truth in a way that will help her get over it, and help the chance of you getting slapped go down a considerable amount. Below,  I am going to tell you what to say in order to let her down as easy as possible.This is not going to be pretty, that is why you should do it soon. Everyday you lead her on intensifies the break up process up two notches. In order to better execute what you need to say, I am going to role play pretending the girl your dating is named Mary.

Before you figure out what to say you need to establish a location of where you are going to perform the break up. Please don’t go to a dinner or a public place. Nobody receives closure from a break up if strangers are surrounding you. On the other hand, what if she doesn’t care about what strangers think and embarrass herself and you by putting on a show. Don’t go to a public place period.

You need to break up with her at your house. If you go to her home she will feel worse when she sees you walk out the door. If your at her place she not only has to be dumped but she also gets the unfortunate view of you physically walking out of her life. I know that seems a little over dramatic, but as a  woman myself; I understand why this is vital. I know it’s strange but when the girl walks out the door she feels a little more in control of the situation. “I just left his house because he broke up with me,” has a better ring to it than, “He broke up with me and then left.” I know it’s a little confusing why you should break up with her at your place; but just do it.

Your Script: How to Break Up With Mary

Setting: You and Mary in person at your house. She sits on corner of your bed.
You: sit across about three to four feet away in the chair that usually sits underneath your desk. You sit strait up. Your manner is guilty but sure and decided. You don’t appear fake by using the puppy dog face. Mary wont believe what a grown man says if he is wearing a pouting puppy face. You seem honest, confident in your decision, not confident mixed with cockiness’.

Scene One
You: Hey Mary look I am really sorry, I think your a great girl. I don’t think we should date anymore because I am feeling a more friendly vibe from you. I don’t know why I am feeling this way. I mean, you so pretty and have a great personality. I also find you myself very attracted to you on a sexual level, which is why I would feel it would be unfair to you if we continue seeing one another.

Mary: So you have never felt like you liked me? Ever? (she is about to cry)

You: Of course I did in the beginning, but then it slowly went away just went away. Have you ever had a really good guy friend, or a person that you think is attractive with a good personality who you didn’t like in a boyfriend kind of way?

Mary: No. (she has but she doesn’t want to see any sign of a comfort or relief on your face)

You: There is no specific reason, except I don’t feel the chemistry intimately. It is so weird. I just know my conscience is telling me I would be a bad guy if we continued this when I feel this way. I even know later on I will regret doing this, and you will already be with someone else. The point if we stay together you wouldn’t be with the guy out there who will give you what you deserve. I understand you probably don’t want to be friends, but I think maybe later you can forgive me.

Mary: Is it the way I look? (she needs to hear it again)

You: all my friends think your hot, I think your so hot..(she cuts you off)

Mary: Which friends?

You: Hughie, Dewy, and Louie (make up friends of yours she doesn’t know, unless you don’t using your real friends)

You: I think your really hot that is why if I slept with you anymore I would feel guilty. I want to protect you because I care about you as a person. Your a great girl. I am so sorry. I would be a scumbag if I continued/had sex with you if I didn’t like you.

Mary: Can’t you just give it a little more time? Please? I was really starting to like you.

You: No. I am sorry. I really wont feel right about it at all. I am not going to say the whole, “it’s not you it’s me,” excuse, because it’s not me or you. It’s not my fault for feeling this way, and it’s not your fault for feeling how you feel. There plenty of guys who would feel the way about you that you want. For whatever reason my brain just instant receiving the message. I know this isn’t the right time to say this, but when your with another guy you might thank me. I am not going to waste any more of your time. I wish I felt different.

Mary: Can we go on a break and wait to see if you (mocking your) “receive the message.”

You: No. I am sorry. I really wont feel right about it. I am sorry.

Mary: No your not.

You: I swear I am, and there is nothing else I can do to convince you. I would if I could.

Stage Notes
While all this mess is playing out don’t rub her arm or pat her back. That gives girls hope that your not serious or you will change your mind. She will probably ask you more questions about why you are doing this. Always repeat something from what I wrote above. If you start saying new things it will seem like your making it up as you go. When she gets ready to leave, try to give her one quick hard hug. No head on shoulder, no long embrace, no kiss on cheek, no kiss on lips (duh), and no smile. It is too hard to pull off a appropriate facial gesture in this situation. You don’t want to look fake, but you want to look hurt at the same time. Just keep your voice soft, slow and polite. Another important thing to do is always look at her eyes at a calm distance. Don’t look at the ceiling or play with your phone, but also don’t look into her eyes too overt because you will look like your under the influence of something. Don’t open the door for her to leave. Let her open it. Don’t say maybe we can go to a movie soon or any of that unnecessary dialogue. Say I am sorry I’m such a jerk but I had to tell you the truth. End scene
The End.

After you fix the break up situation, you need to fix yourself.

You need to assess your situation personally. You sound like a good guy, who is confused right now about your love life. First of all, calm down! Your finding all the crazies because your erratic behavior is attracting the weirdo’s. Stop picking girls apart to see who they are and what they are about too quickly! Women don’t tend to act like themselves when they sense a guy is inspecting them like a car.

You are looking way to much for the idea of a “perfect girl for you.” I know your not expecting a woman who is better looking than a super model who enjoys everything you are interested in. Even so, I get the sense that you are still searching to obsessively for a woman with the qualities, “you think,” you want in a girlfriend. By the way, men and women might think they know what qualities they want in a partner but actually find out later they never had a clue of what they truly wanted. I have a challenge for you.

Don’t ask a girl out for a month. This includes no sex with women.

I know it sounds horrible, but you can handle it. During your month living in relationship purgatory, take care of you. Get some extra work done, and spend some time really relaxing. Play some basketball, or a sport you haven’t picked up in years and sweat out some of the toxicity your feeling. 
What You Need To Believe about your situation:

The girl for you, the one who embodies qualities you didn’t even know you wanted; is out there. Don’t make her wait forever by dating women who don’t like you, or the women you don’t like! As soon as you clear your head, take a deep breath, and take a break from the love search, you will get the ball rolling and begin the waiting period of time before you meet her. You can’t predict how long it will take before the person for you comes into your life. While waiting in the “love of my life line,” you might get lucky hear your name called first, or it could take a bit longer before your name gets called. Either way, finding her will be well worth the wait. Time is only something you can take advantage of by making yourself the best person you can be, so you can be able to present the best version of yourself to her.

In the mean time, stop searching!

I have a big feeling you won’t find this girl, by looking for her.
The woman for you will find you first.

Don’t worry, you will think this girl is attractive. I am willing to bet you will rate the girl for you a 17 out of 20.

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