My Advice: Why are breakups so hard?


There is no easy way to coast through a breakup.The whole process of loosing someone you love is similar to coping with the death of someone close to you. It’s pure hell; and the most confusing time in someone’s life.

OK, now that I got rid of the obvious evils and truths attached to a breakup; I am going to write about what the truth  is that people going through the breakups find no comfort in. One would think that during a really hard time; people would hold on too a hope. Instead of looking forward to a better future or taking some time for ourselves during a breakup; sadly, most of us just end up turning into a hot mess. Below is the truth about breakups. I wish they were easy to internalize during a breakup easier. I wish more people could take this advice, but it is hard to when you’re in so much pain.

  • This is temporary.

All of this gnawing, aching, emotional stuff doesn’t last forever. People always act, and feel like their life is over when they go through a breakup. In actuality, the pain suffered from a breakup is measured in months, and the “hot mess” disease usually disappears after week three. If you’re a hot mess more than three weeks, that means you have really crappy friends who didn’t check on you and make sure you weren’t eating stale cereal off the floor.

  • The person doesn’t love you.

This is the toughest part to swallow, but living in denial and making excuses will only make your situation worse. No matter what the excuse is, they don’t love you as much as you love them period. They might have loved you, but obviously that love was stronger on your end.

Here are a few examples of b.s excuses the “breaker upper” tries to use to make themselves feel better:

“I still love you, I am just going through a lot right now with my family and job and ..I don’t know.”-Lie

“I think if we just take sometime apart our relationship will be stronger later.”-Lie

“You never paid attention to me and I never said anything because I didn’t think you care.”-Lie

“It’s not you it’s me.”-Lie

“I have a lot on my plate now, and I just need to be alone in order to gather my thoughts.”-Lie

Those are all lies because when you are upset or going through something, you lean on the ones who love you the most. Whenever I am sick, I don’t instruct my boyfriend to not help me or make me some soup. People need to be honest if they want the person they are breaking up with to heal faster. Also, if someone blames problems in the relationship that they have never addressed as the reason for the breakup they are lying. No one waits until the break up day to discuss problems that have never been brought up.

The bottom line is, in retrospect; that you should thank you lucky stars you didn’t stay in a relationship where the other person didn’t love you one moment longer. Humans have a shelf life, and I would rather be alone than with a liar. The more time people spend with people who don’t love them, is the more time they lose finding the people who will.

  • The person for you is out there.

There is someone who will love you just as much as you love them. To me, waiting a month, a year, or many years is worth the sacrifice of finding someone who loves you.

You have learned a lot about what you want and yourself. After this experience you will have a new understanding of relationships, and what you want out of them. The next time around, it will be easier for you to recognize clues, and make it a point to express to someone what you really want.

In the end, breakups suck and it is really hard to think as positive as you can while going through it. I still think everyone should try to think about uplifting things more when dealing with a breakup. Emotions should be expressed with a foundation and understanding of the reality of the situation.

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