I don’t believe what he is saying. I can’t breathe. What just happened. When I heard the door close, I knew it.
The window smashed. I’m bleeding like crazy. I was always taught to never pull your hand out if it was caught in glass. I looked at my bleeding arm, and without hesitation; clenched my fist and pulled it back in. I felt nothing.
I wrapped up my hand and got into the shower. I was completely crazy at this point. I was just going to get ready and go to his house. I would pretend nothing happened. He didn’t mean it. I wasn’t going to give him up.
it was freezing cold when I got out of the shower. I got in my car and was already at his parents house. I was so completely driven by dread I could only see in tunnel vision. I didn’t even remember the car ride over. I walked up his walk way and saw Charlie’s mom.
“Hey,” I said; in a voice that held a solid cascade of denial. “Is he upstairs?” “No sweetie, I think you need to go.” What was she saying? I had been like a daughter to her for years. Was she kicking me out?
“What do you mean?” I said as my voice fearfully knocked and shook like a bunch of metal blocks hitting the ground in a hurricane. She stared at me with guilt, but her guilt was held at a safe distance.
Oh yea Natalia! I told myself. Did you forget? There are not part of your family anymore. There son is threw with you, and so are they. They threw you out like lasts nights garbage. They left me out in the cold in the same way there son had, and the same way everyone has in my entire life. I was now damaged goods. I was a nuisance. I wasn’t anything really.
For a moment a felt a feeling of homesickness hit me like an unexpected cold pop to the face.
The feeling was so extreme it was nauseating. Then I realize; I didn’t know where home was. I am a 23 year old girl, bleeding, standing in front of a house feeling homesick with no home. I have never felt homesick because I never really had a home that I missed enough to come back to.
They threw me out, and I was lost like a puppy wandering the streets with no where to go. I wish I was a puppy, then at least I would be euthanized than face another day in the hell that was now my life.
“Well I guess I will go, I said to Charlie’s mom. She looked internally pleased she didn’t have to deal with the crazy bleeding girl. I turned around to get in my car and I stopped. I screamed, “Charlie, I love you please.” I heard the the front door open. “Its ok mom.” Charlie breathed with annoyance.
“Look, It’s over ok.”
“But you loved me, I pleaded. You told me you would never leave me. I can’t do this.”
“What am I supposed to do?” “I don’t love you anymore, I am in love with someone else, ok?”
That was it. I was still, drowning in pain so deep my feelings cut off because they had no where to go.
I was no longer feeling homesick. I had somewhere to go. Somewhere up high; I was going to take the high road.
I couldn’t let him find me. I stole his wallet, and didn’t know why. Well yes I did; but he couldn’t know it was me. I climbed to the roof of an abandoned building on real tech road. The rain had just dissipated, and the sky was a purple hue. I climbed up the stairs and reached the old elevator. The rickety thing barely functioned. There was one blinking hanging light bulb above my head. I looked up at it and the light pierced my eyes. The measly rope used to hold the light slipped and crashed to the floor. It was completely dark. The elevator stopped and I grabbed my lighter so see the exit. I hesitantly climbed the last two flights of stairs. I finally reached the top and took out a cigarette. There was a full moon out and the darkness gleamed a still purple hue, blazing smoky. I felt like I was on top of some smoky high stacks. I sat down and reached in my pocket for the wallet. It was gone. “Damn it!” I said out loud.
Just then I turned around to see a very attractive girl with a blood soaked bandage on her for arm. “Hey dude, is this yours?”
She said it in a sly, seducing manner while still looking serious and empty. She was beautiful but I could tell, she was having the same kind of day I had. “Uh..yea.” I said. With concern, I asked her, “sorry but isn’t it a little dangerous for a good looking young girl to be on the top of a building alone?” She laughed and took my cigarette out of my hand and lit it. “Well, isn’t dangerous for you to steal a wallet from someone before you even know he was the one who did it?”
My voice became dry. “Why are you up here?” I asked. She replied casually, “I should ask you the same question.” I sighed with a bit of reverence, “well I asked first.”
“Ok, I came up here to kill myself but then I saw that wallet you stole in front of the building. If that guy would have seen it then he would have come after you.”
She said it so normally, kind of like she was saying she took out the trash and then checked the mail.
“So your not going to jump off this building right?” She took a long drag of her cigarette and said, “The real question is are you wishing I would leave so you can jump off?”
That’s when we turned around with a start. Someone was running up the stairs towards the top of the building and they weren’t alone.